"I Need to Know My Kid Will Be Safe, Even If I'm Not Here"

A composite client story about a divorcing mom, her trans teenager, and planning for a country where being trans is legal in some states and punished in others. This story is a composite based on typical client situations. Names and identifying details have been changed.

The situation

Jordan's oldest came out as trans at 10. Since then, Jordan has been the one making sure her kid gets the medical and mental health care they need, and the one making sure they get to grow up as themselves. Now that kid is a high school senior, getting ready to graduate next spring.

Jordan is also in the middle of a divorce. She has three kids at home, a house in the city, a cabin in the mountains, a houseful of pets, and an aging mother she's helping care for. Her soon-to-be ex-husband moved across the country to be with his new partner, to a state where gender-affirming care for trans kids is banned.

Jordan knew she needed a new estate plan. She just assumed she couldn't start one until the divorce was final.

What she didn't realize

Jordan and her husband already had an estate plan from their marriage, including powers of attorney for finances and health care. Until the divorce was final, those documents still named him.

If Jordan had been in a car accident the next day, the man she was divorcing would have been the one making her medical decisions and managing her money. 

Waiting for the judgment wouldn't have solved it, either. Once a divorce is final, California law automatically removes an ex-spouse from these roles, but it doesn't put anyone new in his place. Jordan would have gone from having the wrong person in charge to having no one in charge.

The question underneath all of it

If something happened to Jordan, her kids would go to their dad. And her oldest would move from a state that protects trans kids to one that doesn't.

More than half the states in this country now ban gender-affirming care for trans minors. In some of them, the doctors who provide it can lose their licenses or face criminal charges. Even a loving parent can't provide care that's illegal where they live. And the medical care is only part of it. Schools, sports, bathrooms, which name goes on the ID: in some states, every one of those becomes a fight.

Staying in California isn't a guarantee, either. In January 2026, Rady Children's, the only hospital in San Diego County dedicated solely to children's care, announced it would stop providing gender-affirming care, citing escalating federal pressure. Families received a little over two weeks' notice. Today, that care continues only because the State of California went to court to keep it running, and the case isn't over. When access to care can vanish with a press release, the kids who are protected are the ones whose parents planned for them to get care somewhere else, and made sure the money to pay for it was there.

A generic estate plan doesn't touch any of this. It leaves the money for Jordan's kids with whoever ends up in charge, spent however that person thinks best, under the laws of wherever the kids end up living.

Jordan couldn't control what another state's legislature does. She could control what her plan says.

What we did

• A new trust that protects all three kids. It expressly authorizes the trustee to pay for the gender-affirming medical and mental health care her oldest needs, including travel and lodging to get that care in a state where it's legal. Jordan chose a trustee who shares her values, so her support for her kid is written into the plan instead of left to anyone's discretion or any state's politics.

• Standalone guardianship nominations that say what Jordan wants: the kids go to their dad, trusted people care for them until he can get here, and named backups if both parents can't.

• New powers of attorney and a health care directive, naming the people Jordan actually wants making decisions for her.

Some pieces have to wait. While a divorce is pending in California, automatic court orders limit transferring property, so Jordan can't move the house, the cabin, or her accounts into the new trust yet. Once the divorce is finalized, she and her ex will revoke their old trust, and her assets can move into the new one. We stay in touch, so the moment the judgment is entered, Jordan knows exactly what to do and when.

What's different now

Jordan has a plan that works today, not someday. If something happens before the divorce is final, the people she chose are in charge, and her younger kids won't spend a night wondering who's coming for them. Her oldest has something the law in half the country won't give them: a written promise, backed by money and a trustee who will keep it, that they'll get the care they need when they need it.

If this sounds like you

The law now depends on which side of a state line your child is standing. If you're raising a trans or LGBTQ+ kid, a standard estate plan was not written with them in mind. And if you're also going through a divorce, your old plan may still put your ex in charge. You don't have to wait to fix either one.

This case study does not constitute a guarantee, warranty, or prediction regarding the outcome of your legal matter. Every situation is different.